September, has crept up behind me this year like a wild animal. I was not ready for the sun shiney days of summer to end and I am not quite ready to get back into the swing of things at the U of A Extension’s Residential Design program. I still imagine myself in soft summer dresses and flip flops sitting out on the patio with a good book to read and a comfy chair to lay back in. But the dog days of summer are over and here I am in my pj’s covered in a blanket, looking up into a gray and dreary sky outside our front picture window – just waiting for everything to begin again; waiting for fall to pounce on me and bring me into its hustle bustle and loneliness. There is a quiet sense of something building inside of me and I am not sure what it is but I know new things are happening out there in the world and it’s time for me to join back in; to make decisions, live with the consequences, to discover, and build my future.
The first decision I made was to take care of myself better and get in better physical shape. Now this plan includes exercise, but as I do not physically have the energy to do boot camp, or any kind of intense work out so I joined Herbal Magic and have begun a diet based on portion control. Each day I can eat 2 protein, 2 starch, 2 fruit, 3 veggies, 1 dairy, 2 fats, and 1 free exchange item ( such as a 100 calorie dark chocolate bar or another protein if I need). Measuring your portions, according to Herbal Magic’s guidelines, and eating balanced meals along with some vitamins that help with your metabolism and work as appetite suppressants should help you lose weight. With the exception of the first day, I have found as long as I spread my protein’s out throughout the day I stay full and I am confident I will lose the 2 pounds I need to lose each week, and will eventually have the discipline to keep the weight off. Since, I also believe exercise no matter how small of an amount, is an essential part to taking care of your body – I will finally start doing Yoga at the gym once or twice a week since all my classes are at night, and continue on the elliptical, yoga and Pilates DVDs, and small weights I lift at home.
Secondly, I am looking to get a B+ or higher in my business course for interior design as I think it will be a lot more writing and planning, than finicky work on presentation boards. Taking a course at night instead of the day, will also be a challenge – they always are at night!
Thirdly, I did what I felt was right, and broke up with someone special at the end of August. It was a hard decision to make as I was becoming quite attached to him and just enjoying our time together. But there were other issues going on, as there always are in relationships – good things and bad things but the bad started to outweigh the good. I was quite sure of myself and moving on nicely until he wanted to hang out next week and told me he wanted to continue dating – not be girlfriend and boyfriend but just date?! Does this make sense to anyone? I mean does it not feel to you like a step backwards, not forwards. We decided we had no long-term future but he still wants to date me but not be accountable; it feels like he just wants to do what he wants, when wants, and date me when he feels like it? I am really mad about it actually. I told him we could be friends and thats all I promised so far but I am so tempted just to start dating him again even though I feel I am doing the wrong thing for myself. There are good things about dating him again and there are bad things. I was so excited to be single again, but yet now I feel that I miss him. Men, will you ever make sense to me? So this made me think about one of my favorite songs “Good Girl” by Carrie Underwood and the line – “His lips are dripping honey, but he’ll sting you like a bee.” Have a listen and tell if this is not the theme song for this part of my life now?
(September 11, 2012 – I had to add this in here: My special person and I are back together. We are not perfect and when it came down to it we simply had to talk things out. A lot of the time, it is difficult to know what someone is thinking and as girls (and guys I would assume too) we often assume the worse about someone’s intentions. Relationships are difficult things and I have never had a fight or disagreement like this before so I assumed the worse, and broke things off. When my boyfriend contacted me a week after we broke, he told me he wanted to date and seriously. This is what I needed to hear, his trust! Truly ‘How Great Thou Art” God gave me a blessing, valuable experience to not assume the worse! But still listen to the song still I believe it is reflective of certain times in my life and others:)
But after, all of this I listened to another song. Carrie Underwood (yes she is was one of my favorite artists) “How Great Thou Art” a hymn she sang at Grande Old Oprey. It reminded me that we can always pray to God, and that he will always be there for us. That we can put our small problems in His hands and not have to worry about them because He is truly Great – “then sings my soul, my savior God to thee, how great Thou art.” This brings me solace as I know with God I will make the right choices in my life, and if I do not, then I always have back up; no matter with weight or health related issues, no matter with school or work issues, and no matter with boyfriend or former boyfriend issues, because God is bigger and can understand any issue I may or will ever have. Have a listen to “How Great Thou Art:” Maybe it will help you too!