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Writing 101 – A Loss Of One’s Self


20140625-224220-81740472.jpgHow would you describe yourself to the people around you? Would you give a physical description, talk about the things you are good at, and describe your internal qualities? What if suddenly, the idea of who you thought yourself was, disappeared and what you were left with was some broken version of yourself, a shadow that you didn’t know and you weren’t sure how you had become the way you were.

That’s how it felt for me when I became very ill at the age of 23 years. It began with some very bad days in the office, days I could barely get through because I just didn’t have the energy. I would leave the gym at the end of the day dragging my feet and barely able to make it home on the bus. Then I began to cry, little things would bother me and I couldn’t concentrate on work just as I used to be able to do. Then something even stranger happened people began to say extremely rude comments to me almost as an after thought. They would tell me whatever they had to tel tell me ‘ Photocopy this for me…” then something very mean. This was particularly the case with certain people. Then I had trouble sleeping, I would lie awake all night, I began to lose weight, and I didn’t feel much like eating.

What I didn’t understand then, was that this was the beginning of a psychotic episode. To this day my doctors and I don’t know why I had it but I have never quite healed from it. Everything became so bad that I couldn’t work, I had a break down. Then I would sit at home and the thoughts in my head would go round and round and I began to hear more voices not just after comments people made to me but from the Television or Radio, from my dog. When these thoughts became nearly suicidal, I went into hospital at the Royal Alex and it was awful being there and hearing things. But one day my doctor started giving me this anti-psychotic drug called Invega and the voices stopped. What remained after my psychosis had passed was the shell of a person. A person it took me at least 3 years to get back and still even today I realize I will never be the same person I was before my unexplained psychosis.

After the psychosis followed a mini-depression. I could barely read after that and I had so much trouble filling out the application for long-term disability because my writing was very shaky and looked more like a grade 4 student’s writing then someone who had recently gotten their BA in English with a 3.7 average.

I was slow to heal. At first I could only go out for 1/2 hour before returning home exhausted. I still needed to sleep a great deal of the day and I had the sharpest burning pain in my shoulders and neck. I felt entirely lost. The conversation of my friends was too fast for me. I couldn’t go to 3/4 of the events we had planned because I didn’t have the energy. I had gone from 160lbs, a healthy weight for me, to 143 lbs, I weight I hadn’t weighed since I was 15 years old and as skinny as you could get. Soon the effects of the medication set in and my weight sky rocketed to 175 lbs. I was uncomfortable in my new fatter body and I didn’t like it. I did not have the energy to do exercise or barely more than a walk or a Pilates 20 minute DVD.

And to tell you the truth, somethings I have just never recovered from. It is 6 years later and I still have trouble concentrating and paying

attention. I have days where I can get much done and days where I can’t get anything done. My doctor’s and I are pretty sure I developed Chronic Fatigue Syndrome after the Psychosis and I have dealt with that constantly. The other possibility is since we have most likely determined my psychosis occurred because I was so depressed, is that I have chronic fatigue from depression. But most signs point to the syndrome.

In these past years I have seem my friends develop careers, make many new friends, and start families. In many ways I feel left behind, that my path changed course and I don’t know why. And I don’t why what I have won’t heal. For me this is the biggest personal sense of loss I have felt in a long time because it as if somewhere in these past 6 years, I have lost myself, my dreams, my goals, and I’m not sure what the future holds. I just take things days by day because that’s how I can get through it.

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Writing 101 – 3 Important Songs in My Life


1. Christina Aguilera – Fighter

 

This song represents to me a women who will never give up and never break no matter how much you push her. She is a strong women, “a fighter,” and she’s not going to let the man who was in her life or anyone else win that fight. In fact, she thanks the guy who hurt because he made her what she is and he has made her “stronger,” ” makes her work a little bit harder,”  made her “that much wiser,” made her work ” a little bit faster,” made her “skin a little bit thicker” made her ”  that much smarter.” She thanks him for making her “a fighter.”

I started playing this song when I meant K in university. He was the first guy I’d ever been crazily attracted to and I knew he liked me back. The thing was I was awful shy and I didn’t handle the situation well and when I couldn’t deal with so much attention I tended to ignore the person giving it to me.  Then I realized he wasn’t paying me much attention anyways. He had a harem of girls at his table and even though I sat by myself in the Cafeteria and he would wave to me he never came to talk to me and he never shared anything much about himself with me when he did. He acted bored when I sat by him and finally when I told him I liked him and that sometimes I ignored him because ” I was in my own world” or to say it better, I was busy as hell, to busy to put up with his crap — taking 5 courses in University, working 20 hours a week, going to the gym, and partying with my girl friends on the weekend — he took this the wrong way. But I had finally figured out that he liked the fact that I  liked him but didn’t want to make a real effort for me, I was just another girl who was a friend, but not that important.

I started listening to this song and I realized that even though he was a jerk he had made me a stronger person. I spent all this time worrying about him when I was better than the way he was treating me, many other guys who were friends treated me better. I was a fighter and I wasn’t going to cry and get all upset because he wouldn’t give me the time a day. He was my first love ( or so I thought at the time) but later I learned he was just the beginning of a stronger me. A me that could push herself and get through very hard times like sickness, and a difficult job, a me that could survive rejection, a me that was wearer and carried her strength about her like a cloak. It isn’t always obvious but God made me a strong women he made me a fighter, a women who knows what’s worth fighting for.

2. Billy Joel – She’s Always A Woman

She’s Always a Woman is one of my favorite songs and I could hear it hundreds of times and never get sick of it. I love it because it describes a man who loves a women who is most definitely flawed; that she’s flawed is of great value to her person. For example ” she never gives out, and she never gives in, she just changes her mind” but she’s still “always a woman” to him. I have always thought that this is the way that people should love each other: because of their flaws and all their imperfections. When I met the right man one day, I wanted him to love me like this because I was “frequently kind and suddenly cruel,” because ” I did as [I pleased I] was nobodies fool.” I wanted him to love me just as I am and not because he had some image of how he wanted me to be or thought I should be. It’s the kind of the love that doesn’t count mistakes and I kind of love immortalized by John Donne in a poem whose name escapes me where he loves a women even though she is clearly not the most beautiful or perfect creature.

I have put this kind of love to practice in my life when I love my family or love my friends, when I meet new people. I don’t try to push such high standards on people, something I used to do, instead I try to accept people for who they are and try not to get so upset when they do something that hurts me. I’ve learned to realize they are only human to and worthy of love anyways. I think if people put this to practice more they would find like Billy Joel there is beauty in being flawed and that our flaws make us who we are. Nobody could love someone who is perfect because nobody is perfect and can’t be held to that standard.

3. The Fray – Be Still

I think this is the most important song to me because when I think of the song I think of the Bible verse “Be Still, and know that I am the Lord Your God.” I think of the song as God or someone who loved you without failing, watching over you, and telling you to just “Be Still” and relax. “Be Still”  and everything will be fine. It’s like a lullaby. “If no one is standing beside you, be still and know I am” that line always reassure me that we always have God and people in our life to depend on. That when things get really bad,  and they do, we always have a higher power and family and friends to guard against the situations in life where we are hurting and falling apart.

This song puts me to sleep some nights when I feel at my lowest. It makes me feel like I am not alone in my suffering nor in my life. That there is a tomorrow to look forward to and that times won’t always be this bad. That we should “remember hard” the words to “Be Still” and not spend time worrying about the bad times in our life that we cannot change. That even when we lose sight of ourselves, there is always someone who remembers us and cares.

 

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Writing 101 – Loving Las Vegas


Vegas 2Some people may not agree with me when I say I love Las Vegas. They will point out the “fakeness” of the large hotels and the smoke in the casinos but I have many memories in Las Vegas and I do not think of these minuet details when I think of it.

When I think, of Las Vegas I think of majesty of these huge impressive and monumental hotels that can hold thousands of people enthused  to have a good time. I think of the warm spring temperatures and the dry heat that sweeps through my bones and makes me want to lie outside on a lounging chair for as long as my pale skin will allow, and enjoy the splash of the water in the pool. I think of the way palm trees and beautiful foliage surrounds me and captivates me in this desert paradise.I don’t think of the fakeness, rather I think of all the work and all the effort needed to create such massive and beautiful places for people to vacation in, the classy rooms in each hotel each with a unique yet concrete style, the shows, and the shopping.

My favorite place I ever stayed in Vegas was in the Venatian and anyone whose ever been in the Venatian knows the beauty of Las Vegas hotels, the frescos and paintings of italian masterpieces adorning the roof and walls of the hotel, the canal going through the hotel with bright blue water ways where tourists can take a gondola ride through the shopping and restaurants leading outside into the Vegas heat and sunshine. When I went to the Venatian our room was gaudy and fantastic, so luxurious. Beds with gold curtains, and massive red head boards; a sunken living room with a couch and chair that looked out on the balcony on the Vegas sites below; a large bathroom with a water closet, makeup table, double sink, large glass shower, and a big tub where one could sit back and relax after a taking in a show at a hotel.

You see, for me Vegas is a place that crackles with electricity, with energy, and vibrancy. It is a place that has become a part of me, an affordable getaway where as they say  ‘ what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.’

The first time I ever visited Las Vegas I was 22-years-old and Vegas was freedom for me after a long and difficult journey through my universityVegas 6 studies. It was a place I found independence. I went to Las Vegas with 6 friends, 5 girls and 1 guy. We went to Tony and Tina’s Wedding and since we were the only people all dressed up as if we were actually going to a wedding, we became part of the show, our entire table. We took pictures of everywhere and everything especially on a 1 day and 10 hour tour of the Grand Canyon a truly magnificent experience in itself.

I will never forget those dusty red gradiated cliffs that when you looked down made you dizzy and overwhelmed by the glory of nature, that a giant glacier and river had carved a path through these cliffs and now we looked upon the layers of sediments and glorious desert color scheme as if it was a giant quilt in the burning Arizona desert. We spent the night before the Grand Canyon playing Sociables, a card and drinking game, so that we all arrive hung over and in desperate need of sleep on that 5 am tour bus. We all passed out on the way to Arizona and I never sleep on tour buses.

Vegas 4We spent days shopping, at the Fashion Show Mall, through the Venatian and Caesar’s Palace, through Planet Hollywood, and at the outlet mall downtown. Roland, the only guy with us, was sick of shopping by the time the trip was coming to an end. We lounged by the pool and ate succulent and delicious food at many restaurants and we took a limo ride through the strip all dressed up to the nines and visited Old Vegas. We saw a colorful and energetic light show and walked through the old casino’s as some country singer who is now famous, put on a lively performance. We walked so much and my friends went on the rides on the Stratosphere, careening near the edge of this freakishly tall building and spinning around over a part of the strip in mid air. We made friends and took pictures at the Stratosphere and with male strippers at the Rio. We wore carnival beads down the strip and drank gigantic drinks mostly full of tequila or vodka.

Later, my friends and I would return to Las Vegas and later I would go with my parents a couple of times and each time in Las Vegas I have discovered something new about the Vegas strip that blows my mind. A club with an indoor waterfall at the Wynn called Tryst, free champagne all night at another club, and M&M factory, The Phantom of the Opera done Vegas style, Cirque de Soleil to the songs of the Beatles, the Hoover Dam, Red Rock Canyon, the 25 cent slot machines at the Casino, how to play Black Jack, and so many memories of good times with friends and family it’s no wonder that this place is more real to me then the nature of many places. I don’t care what you say because baby, I love Las Vegas and if I could be somewhere now that is where I’d like to be.

Writing 101 – Spiders


I was 3 – years-old when I locked myself in a closet with a spider. He dangled on his wispy string and came towards me and I shot to the other end of the closet and fell asleep. That was the first time I hated spiders.

The next was when my Dad built me my room in a large pantry room in our old house. But since it was a pantry before you see, with concrete floor and large closets, and with a creaky teal door that opened up into a vast ceiling; when I first moved into that new room at the age of 8 there were spiders everywhere. I was afraid of them. I would come home from my Grandparent’s house after a sleep over and find 3 kinds of spiders sitting on the wall in the corner of my room. If my room got to messy there were spiders and one day there was this huge black spider on the wall and my Dad killed it but I was so afraid a spider would crawl into my bed that my Mom had to check the blankets in my bed for spiders. I was sure there was one in there!

Now, I’m 29-years-old and I still have this irrational fear of spiders. I can handle the little ones, but in my bathroom downstairs there has been this army of spiders this summer, and my Dad won’t kill them for me anymore but my brother took out a few when he was over. The vacuüm is heavy and hard to bring downstairs so often I just throw a book on the spiders and step on it until the spider is squished and dead.

Sometimes I just let them hide in corners but no more. The vacuüm is downstairs today and I have a spray bottle full of water and mint oil. Spiders hate mint! I only needed a few drops of the oil but I put 10 in the bottle just in case and I will vacuüm my washroom everywhere and spray ever corner with mint — under the counter, behind the door, the window, and behind the garbage can. Will this keep those spiders away? I hope so, I hate them tremendously, you have no idea, they are one of my greatest fears.

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Notes to Sleep By


I think I am having one of the most boring weeks of my life? I am well enough again after July to be up and about the house all day but I am finding myself a tad bored of reading which is saying something because I can usually read all day most days now and love it as I always have. English Major right here.

I don’t always feel that I need a nap in the day, daily chores, and preparing myself for the day only takes so long, even if I have chosen to do my hair in some special way since I have time.

I’m in this in-between stage where I’m healthy enough to be around the house but not quite healthy enough to be out and about doing too much, that just seems to exhaust me.

So, I walk a short distance — I still feel odd walking without a dog — and I concentrate as much as I can on some book, writing, and a tad bit of scrapbooking. I am trying to do more around the house but it seems when I get to rearranging things for more then a couple hours the usual fatigue kicks in. Same old problems.

I did happen to get together again with A over summer but he has been on a long vacation since the end of July visiting Paris, France, Morocco, and Barcelona, Spain. We’ve kept up communication well but I miss him a lot by this point, we’ve never been a part more then 3 weeks and although we message often I haven’t heard much lately so that usually means the cell reception is bad wherever he is in Morocco now.

He tells me he is coming home soon and I’m extremely looking forward to seeing him and hearing stories about his travels and all the friends and relatives he has seen. Although, I was happy to have a break to think before he left now I believe as the euphemism goes “absence makes the heart grow fonder.”

I’m also doing this Writing 101 mini – course through WordPress, it’s about writing every day for a month and writing on varied topics, so I’m excited to have a little something to do until my editing course starts in November by distance learning.

I will be taking Proofreading and if that’s full then I will take Copywriting, both beginner courses. I just think Proofreading is the place to start since it’s more of checking for grammar and spelling etc. kind of idea as opposed to Copywriting which could involve changing more significant grammar, wording, and maybe even changing some ideas that don’t quite make sense ( at least suggesting). But I am happy to do whatever course I end up in.

The next two weeks will be busier, I have a wedding a few coffee’ s and some errands, shopping, and a visit to my favourite, The Beauty Lounge. If I am fortunate enough, A will be back and I’m thinking if he returns in the day I could meet him at the airport. I certainly think he’s worth the cab fare. fall will pick up as it always does and I’m excited for when it does.

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Capsule Wardrobe 2014/2015


In  the 1970’s Susie Faux the owner of a London Boutique called ” Wardrobe” coined the phrase Capsule Wardrobe as a “collection of a few essential items of clothing that will not go out of style . . .”. The term has come to refer to a collection of clothing that is designed to using “only interchangeable items.” So one would buy “key” or “staple” items in “coordinating” colors.

I have seen a few other bloggers, try this so I thought I would give it a go as my Fall/Winter Fashion blog. So, this is my attempt at the Capsule wardrobe using black, grey, and maroon. Key items are in black. Of course, you have to imagine there would be some other items in here like some black tights opaque and polka dot, a black tank, a grey tank, and a maroon tank, and probably a black jacket but I have considered that for this Capsule you either have theses pieces or will pick them up later.

Ways to Frustrate a Sick Person


I”m hesitant to write on the issue of weight, especially after writing another blog a few days past about loving your body at whatever weight you are at. But I’m find that hard to do now. I haven’t gained much weight from where I’ve been at for a while but speaking of ways to frustrate a sick person, is the side effect of gaining weight when you don’t have any choice but to increase medication. Something with great evil in this universe decided that the best way to make it seem like you were better but still mentally destroy you was to let humans find medications but medications that made you fatter.

Frankly, I am tired of people who tell me its okay that I’m this way because I can’t help it because I have to take medications and have chronic fatigue that doesn’t allow me to exercise off the weight. But it’s really not okay because it doesn’t feel like I’m in my body. My body feels good after exercise and my body knows that it needs exercise to function well, but it isn’t performing accordingly.

Maybe if I didn’t grow up from being a chubby kid or maybe if I was never a thin young adult it wouldn’t matter, I’m not sure. But I’m definitely finding tough the image I see in the mirror of someone whose body holds on to fat more and more each time she has to increase her sleeping pills. It isn’t a choice it’s sleep and gain weight, I’ve been through too much other sleep medication that didn’t work to not take my sleeping medication. My body gets used to the sleep medication, I have to take more and this results in an extra 5 lbs that are really hard to escape from.

I have tried all kinds of ideas for this not to be so but when in comes down to is just that I need exercise, no diet, or drink, or supplements, is going to keep me thin once my body starts hanging on to the weight I’ve gained. It’s an issue I can’t escape from and it goes round and round in my head. I want to be a fit strong person who doesn’t have to buy her clothes a size up because she gained a few pounds. I don’t want to be so exhausted from a Pilates 20 minute video that I can’t do anything else the rest of the day. I just want 25 lbs gone like that in 3 months (I’m willing to be a bit lenient). I wouldn’t care if I had to do cardio every day for most of the rest of my life, I’d just be grateful if I could do it without feeling sick and defeated.

This is an old story but I don’t know what to do. It’s unacceptable to me to be this way because my body is not in a healthy state, but I feel stuck. Love your body, but I think you need to be aware that your body needs to be healthy no matter your shape or size. At least that’s what I feel about my own.

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Tarte Amazonian Clay Makeup Splurge


mandibelle16:

Tarte Makeup

Originally posted on mandibelle16:

Recently, I found a coupon for Tarte makeup on Facebook for 30% off. Kate at http://www.thesmallthingsblog.com (one of my favorite blogs) has always raved about their Amazonian Clay foundation so I was pretty excited to try the foundation which is usually $49.00, for a cheaper price. I also purchased a shade of the Amazonian Clay Blush, and a Liquid Eyeliner Pen (the pen which I have already blogged about). Later, I read a blog on a Limited Edition Tarte Eyeshadow Palette and although it wasn’t available on http://www.tarte.ca I was able to purchase it on Sephora. I am happy with all my purchases and I would like to share the 3 I haven’t shared with you previously today.

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Tarte Amazonian Clay 12H- Full Coverage Foundation – $49.00 – (sephora.ca) – I was pleasantly surprised by this foundation for several reasons. First of all, it comes in many shades with…

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Tarte Amazonian Clay Makeup Splurge


Recently, I found a coupon for Tarte makeup on Facebook for 30% off. Kate at http://www.thesmallthingsblog.com (one of my favorite blogs) has always raved about their Amazonian Clay foundation so I was pretty excited to try the foundation which is usually $49.00, for a cheaper price. I also purchased a shade of the Amazonian Clay Blush, and a Liquid Eyeliner Pen (the pen which I have already blogged about). Later, I read a blog on a Limited Edition Tarte Eyeshadow Palette and although it wasn’t available on http://www.tarte.ca I was able to purchase it on Sephora. I am happy with all my purchases and I would like to share the 3 I haven’t shared with you previously today.

1.

Tarte Amazonian Clay 12H- Full Coverage Foundation – $49.00 – (sephora.ca) – I was pleasantly surprised by this foundation for several reasons. First of all, it comes in many shades with both yellow and pink undertones. The ivory color with the pink undertones was perfect for me and is the best foundation match I’ve had in a long time.

The foundation is a bit different than other foundations I’ve tried because it is a cream foundation and not a liquid or a BB cream. It is quite thick so a very little goes a long way to spread across your face and give great coverage that leaves your skin UVA/UVB SPF 15 protected. You can also build up this foundation if you want thicker coverage.

In my mind, that this foundation is usually almost $50 works against it but what totally makes it worth it is the fact that you don’t need much foundation for each use. You do need to blend the foundation very well because of its viscosity and I recommend a great foundation brush to blend the foundation well.

Although, initially, the foundation change made me break out a bit after about a week my skin adjusted to the foundation and I have loved it ever since. I love that it stays on all day, does not come off easily, and provides excellent coverage even when you have a bit of a break out.

What made me extremely excited to try this foundation is that it is a mineral foundation made from Amazonian Clay and is free of Parabens, Sulfates, Synthetic fragrances, Petrochemicals, Pthalates, GMO’s, and Triclosan — all things I would rather not have on my skin. Best of all, all most all of  Tarte’s make up is made without some of these unwanted ingredients.

2.

Tarte Limited Edition Amazionian Clay EyeShadow Palette Limited Edition V1 – ($46.00) -(Sephora.ca) – I just received this palette last week and was really thrilled with it. It is a more neutral type palette so it has a lot of sparkly and matte browns as well as some skin colored shades that are sparkly and matte; it  also contains a beautiful sparkly purple and sparkly gold and copper.

There are many mixes of eye shadow looks that I (and you) can do with this palette and it’s 16 shades. The eye shadow has excellent pigmentation and sticks well, especially if you put an eye shadow base underneath your eye shadow — this eye shadow is budge proof.

It comes in a cute purple box with a pink ribbon and is also the perfect gift for a birthday or Christmas present for a special woman on your list. This eyeshadow is formulated without Parabens and Pthalates.

3.

Tarte Amazionion Clay 12H Blush – (31.00) – (www.sephora.ca) – This long wear solar baked blush is amazing because it has great pigment and comes in so many shades. I bought it in a purplish-pink shade since I was out of that color and I have been very happy with the blush.

It is infused with natural clay from the Amazon river and it minimizes oil around pores on your face to keep the blush color in place. It is also nutrient rich and has nourishing and hydrating properties which is great for girls with dry skin. It is free of Parabens, Sulfates, and Pthalates.

I can attest to the long-lasting skin calming effects of this blush. It never makes my skin oily or causes me to break out. I would like to get a couple more blushes  in a more pinky and a more apricot shade.

All in all, I am extremely impressed with Tarte makeup and highly recommend it to any one who is considering using the products. Most of Tarte’s products are priced well and the one’s that are more expensive are worth the cost. You can also check on http://www.tarte.ca for more Tarte makeup products, as this is where I used the coupon code I found. I also recommend liking Tarte on Facebook.

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We Are Just Who We Are and Can’t Be Anyone Else


20140321-142213.jpgI wanted to write about a topic I’ve written on before but it seems to receive a welcome response every single time I write about it. The topic is being satisfied with our bodies and maybe even more than that, who we are as a person.

Recently, I avoided running into someone I knew who made the comment that I was 30 lbs heavier than the last time they saw me (university I think) and that even though I was still pretty I didn’t look very good. I thought this was a completely rude comment to make especially as you were walking right past me and come on, did you actually think I wouldn’t recognize you? And to be fair you weren’t so thin yourself mister, but that’s not what I’m here to do, make those types of comments, because making those comments would lower me to his level.

I could go onto explain to you (and him) how psychiatric medications put a great deal of weight

on a person either by increasing your appetite or I have found in my case, simply by taking these pills. I could say that I have Chronic Fatigue and that it’s extremely hard for me to put the energy into exercising I need to lose weight. I could tell you how carefully I eat at home and how I have tried programs such as herbal magic and tried all kinds of herbs to aid me in keeping my weight down. I could tell you that the most current thing I am trying is something called Plexus. I haven’t had the opportunity to try it for a full month even because I have had other health issues though. And I could tell you even though I try these diet supplements, medications work against me to hold the weight on my body and that for all the medications I’ve tried I’m actually doing well.

I could say all those things but the truth of the matter is it doesn’t matter why I put weight on, I simply did, and I put enough pressure comparing myself (when I go shopping with someone who is a small size) dealing with the fact that I’m a size 12 or 14 and a size L in the top while a friend is a size XS and fitting into size 26 jeans.

It’s not her fault she is small she was born this way, tiny; but I find that there is a certain distance between two people when one of you barely fits the sizes that are available because you are too small, while the other of you barely fits the sizes that are available because you are too big — you don’t quite get each other when you shop or shop the same way. But then I see other women who are taller and bigger than I and I wonder what size do they fit? Or is for them only fitting into clothing at stores such as Additionelle and/or Ricki’s, what they do, when the rest of us have the utmost variety on most items of clothing. This scares me, that I could become one of these people next time I try new medication.

What I am trying to say is that I think the fashion industry has to have some mercy on the average

sized women who is a size 12 to 16 and give her and those who are larger than her more variety to wear and show more models that are not 16 or 17-years-old and not fully developed. Some of us have just reasons for not being able to be a smaller size whether it was because we are women who had kids, have health problems, or were simply born bigger. Slowly, we are getting there, but too slowly I think, if a trip to the mall into all the stores that I like, makes me feel like I am large and don’t belong there. The same must go for extremely tiny women, where do they shop? How do they feel when the emphasis in fashion currently is to be a “curvy” 4,6, or 8. And do those who design stores do something to the mirrors at the mall because I swear I look fatter there, then in any of the mirrors I have at home?

My point is, as before, we should love our bodies and be happy with them, however, they are. And we should not be ashamed of them because other people can’t keep their opinions in to themselves or because we are comparing ourselves to someone who is smaller or bigger than us. Yet still, we are people who are conditioned to think a certain way and that is bigger = bad and thinner = good so I think we need to be reconditioned so that just like we don’t judge people on ethnicity in Canada we don’t judge people on the size of their bodies; rather, we leave it up to the person to love and manage their own body and we be supportive of them in all stages of their body, in all weights and sizes. We can’t be anyone else other than who we are at this moment! So don’t expect us to be someone else –let us be comfortable and unique — let us be whoever we are in whatever size we are.