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We Are Just Who We Are and Can’t Be Anyone Else


20140321-142213.jpgI wanted to write about a topic I’ve written on before but it seems to receive a welcome response every single time I write about it. The topic is being satisfied with our bodies and maybe even more than that, who we are as a person.

Recently, I avoided running into someone I knew who made the comment that I was 30 lbs heavier than the last time they saw me (university I think) and that even though I was still pretty I didn’t look very good. I thought this was a completely rude comment to make especially as you were walking right past me and come on, did you actually think I wouldn’t recognize you? And to be fair you weren’t so thin yourself mister, but that’s not what I’m here to do, make those types of comments, because making those comments would lower me to his level.

I could go onto explain to you (and him) how psychiatric medications put a great deal of weight

on a person either by increasing your appetite or I have found in my case, simply by taking these pills. I could say that I have Chronic Fatigue and that it’s extremely hard for me to put the energy into exercising I need to lose weight. I could tell you how carefully I eat at home and how I have tried programs such as herbal magic and tried all kinds of herbs to aid me in keeping my weight down. I could tell you that the most current thing I am trying is something called Plexus. I haven’t had the opportunity to try it for a full month even because I have had other health issues though. And I could tell you even though I try these diet supplements, medications work against me to hold the weight on my body and that for all the medications I’ve tried I’m actually doing well.

I could say all those things but the truth of the matter is it doesn’t matter why I put weight on, I simply did, and I put enough pressure comparing myself (when I go shopping with someone who is a small size) dealing with the fact that I’m a size 12 or 14 and a size L in the top while a friend is a size XS and fitting into size 26 jeans.

It’s not her fault she is small she was born this way, tiny; but I find that there is a certain distance between two people when one of you barely fits the sizes that are available because you are too small, while the other of you barely fits the sizes that are available because you are too big — you don’t quite get each other when you shop or shop the same way. But then I see other women who are taller and bigger than I and I wonder what size do they fit? Or is for them only fitting into clothing at stores such as Additionelle and/or Ricki’s, what they do, when the rest of us have the utmost variety on most items of clothing. This scares me, that I could become one of these people next time I try new medication.

What I am trying to say is that I think the fashion industry has to have some mercy on the average

sized women who is a size 12 to 16 and give her and those who are larger than her more variety to wear and show more models that are not 16 or 17-years-old and not fully developed. Some of us have just reasons for not being able to be a smaller size whether it was because we are women who had kids, have health problems, or were simply born bigger. Slowly, we are getting there, but too slowly I think, if a trip to the mall into all the stores that I like, makes me feel like I am large and don’t belong there. The same must go for extremely tiny women, where do they shop? How do they feel when the emphasis in fashion currently is to be a “curvy” 4,6, or 8. And do those who design stores do something to the mirrors at the mall because I swear I look fatter there, then in any of the mirrors I have at home?

My point is, as before, we should love our bodies and be happy with them, however, they are. And we should not be ashamed of them because other people can’t keep their opinions in to themselves or because we are comparing ourselves to someone who is smaller or bigger than us. Yet still, we are people who are conditioned to think a certain way and that is bigger = bad and thinner = good so I think we need to be reconditioned so that just like we don’t judge people on ethnicity in Canada we don’t judge people on the size of their bodies; rather, we leave it up to the person to love and manage their own body and we be supportive of them in all stages of their body, in all weights and sizes. We can’t be anyone else other than who we are at this moment! So don’t expect us to be someone else –let us be comfortable and unique — let us be whoever we are in whatever size we are.

In this Little Life


I think that in these little lives we lead it is vital to immerse ourselves in culture, in society, and in varied points of view. It is difficult to leave our judgements of events and people behind but it is absolutely necessary for us as culture to do this to encourage ourselves and others to think and not just consider the first thing we hear to be the truth. Sometimes the truth is something easy to uncover and other times it is necessary to sift our understanding on a subject; then, we can truly see what is truthful and what is false. In short, it is so important that we use our minds to think and not to judge.

Another thing I have begun to believe is that it is not our business to care about the bad things people say about us in passing or in our face. Leave other people to their negativity and live your life the best you can. Each of us knows whose opinions in our lives are extremely important and when their opinions are important. But to all the randoms out their who judge people on how they look, on their weight or lack there of, on who they used to be, on who they are, or just who they think a person are or use to be, it doesn’t matter. Sometimes people are just making comments and talking and other times they are simply being inappropriate.

These I think are the most important things I have learned lately. Nobody knows your life like you do and no one can make you act a certain way, that’s up to you.

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In other news, I am slowly starting to feel better from June and July. I think I would be fine but malaise is a major issue. I had a great time shopping at WEM on Saturday but once we hit about 2 pm it was overdoing it for me and I spent the rest of Saturday and all of Sunday sleeping and trying to recover. We went for lunch at Spaghetti Factory too they have this delicious mushroom stuffed Ravioli if that’s your type of food dish.

I’m hoping my ability to last improves or at least my ability to recover doesn’t take 2 days. But it is still good to be out, once the back to school crowd came, It was time for us to leave but it wasn’t to bad until about 2 pm. at WEM. I’m hoping to be able to go to Kingsway or Downtown at the end of this week or Friday to pick up some things at and just get out again for a bit besides short walks.

Additionally, I have a blog(s) on some great makeup I’ve been using called Tarte. I love it very much and it’s mineral so that’s pretty awesome. And maybe a fall fashion piece after seeing a bunch at the mall(s) and online.

Take care.

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Automatic – Hey Whatever Happened to. . .


” . . . It all just seems so good the way we had it back before everything became Automatic…” – Miranda Lambert

HealthSometimes life speeds up and sometimes life slow downs. I feel as if this summer has sped on by and I haven’t had the chance to enjoy it. I have spent a great deal of time sleeping and in bed and the situation has not become better until this last week when thinking back to when my health began to slide down hill I remembered we lowered one of my medications. Once I began to increase that medication I have become much healthier. I look better and feel better and even though I’m not  good enough to go to a class at night or study for a few hours everyday I feel hopeful for once that I can go back to that point. In short, I feel better now, I feel like I can do activities again and I don’t need to sleep for more than an hour or so in the day.

But I was thinking about this song  Automatic by Miranda Lambert, it’s one of my favorite songs lately, and I thought that she makes a sewing machine oldstrong point. Where would we be without all our technology? Was life better when we could just take time to do an activity instead of having technology making it easy to do in seconds?

If you were to ask my Mom who is a quilter I’m sure she would say that the new sewing machines are better and easier to use then the old sewing machines that her Grandma used or even the sewing machines they had in 70’s when she was sewing her own clothes. And I have to say I most definitively like a Smart Phone over the flip phones or original bulky cell phones that some of my friend’s parents had in the 90’s.and early 2000’s. I think it’s so easy that I can go on the internet, that google maps can show me where to go to get somewhere from where ever I am, that all my music is on my phone, that I can have my own phone and # and have that privacy and that I can take notes on my tablet;  I can bring my phone or tablet where ever I go.

iphone_5s_6_grassI understand Miranda Lambert’s view because many times I see people walking and not looking where there going, talking or looking on their Smart Phone. And it seems  like even though we have computers and all this technology we are having worse effects on the environment. For instance, a paperless office was once surmised to exist one day and we are only using more paper then ever.

Additionally, I think that sometimes the ability to order anything you like on the internet and have it sent  to your house in 2 days is not necessarily a great thing. It’s a way I got into debt myself in the past and I think sometimes it’s too easy to buy something because we don’t think about whether we need or would actually wear or use the items we buy. Also, sometimes we spend as much money as we save returning items we bought on the internet.

And doesn’t it seem that this new technology seems to break down more than old technology  – photocopiers, computers, phones, appliances, and even cars. We have things that are “automatic” but what is the good if these items are not quality. My parents first fridge lasted them 30 years, now the appliance companies are aiming to make stoves that are no longer working in 10 years. Isn’t this wasteful?

But I think there is another meaning to the song Automatic. I think “automatic” is a way we live our lives, an attitude. Like are bored womantechnology that has gone automatic we are acting in away that is automatic. We don’t think about what we say to other people. We are too caught up in our technology and the other parts of our life.

We don’t even bother to talk to each other in the same household sometimes we just send a text. We act the way that the media tells us — books, movies, video games — we are sometimes lacking originality and thoughtfulness. For example, maybe we think that champagne and roses is the right way to propose to our partner but we don’t consider what our partner would in their own mind find romantic, maybe we don’t get to know them well enough or talk about the situation enough first.

We give gift cards which may be nice, instead of being thoughtful about a gift, It is as if these things have become ingrained in us and become automatic. We hold stereotypes that the media personifies, maybe about people with certain illnesses like AID’s or mental illnesses and people of certain nationalities. I think the song Automatic talks about a way of thinking and acting towards one another just as much as it talks about our technology.

hospitalOne good example I see lately of things having gone automatic is healthcare in Canada. Should it become automatic for us to wait 14 to whatever hours in an emergency room when we really need to go to the hospital? Some people need help now and you are just making their illness worse by making them wait. Some people for instance aren’t able to wait that long in a waiting room, they are too sick and too frail.

There has to be a way that we spend more money on healthcare, so that there are more hospital beds for people and more doctors and nurses to take care of them. Should it be automatic that a person that it so depressed they are going to kill themselves has to wait to get into the psyche ward? Or a person who needs a kidney replaced has to wait forever until they are near death to get a kidney replacement?

These are just thoughts; this is something I have seen on the News lately. And it disgusts me. And I really think it has become automatic to act certain ways in the healthcare system just as we act automatic towards one another and with our technology. This is something I see in the overworked hospital staff, in emergency workers, in a government we elected that doesn’t seem to care enough. What do you think?

As for my health, I’m glad that I never had to go to the hospital because who knows if I would have made it  in? I’m glad I can deal with my illness from my home. and I hope that you can live your lives better than in an automatic mode.

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Liquid Eyeliner Pens: Lancome, Stila, and Tarte


1. Lancome Artliner 24H – $37.00 (lancome.ca) – Today I want to share with you some of my experiences using different liquid eyeliners. The one that I have used for years is not quite a pen but has a great pointy foam brush on the tip of the applicator and you dip that in the liquid eyeliner and apply it to your eyeline. It is called Lancome Artliner 24H and comes in a variety of colors such as black, blue, green, gold, silver (etc). For the longest time, there weren’t other liquid eyeliners that were as easy to apply as this liquid eyeliner. Lancome pretty much led the way in liquid eyeliners that do not come from a pot.. Once you got the hang of applying the Lancome liner it was quick and easy to use and lasted about 4 months. I loved it because if you messed up it was easy enough to remove this eyeliner with a Q-tip but once you were done applying it the liner stayed on perfectly. The one bad thing about it was that you had to dip the little foam tip into the liner a few times and sometimes if you weren’t careful applying your eyeliner you could end up with too thick eyeliner at certain parts of your eye, or to thin if the liner on the foam applicator was wearing thin. But the colors in the Artliner 24H are the best especially the Bleu Royale.

The best way to apply liquid eyeliner is to start about half way on your eyelid where your pupil is and start applying a thin line of the color of liner you want near your lashline. Once you reach the edge of your eye you can flick out and get sort of little curl at the end your eyelid that looks very nice or you can stop and make just a little flick up and little flick underneath to make a cat eye triangle. Then fill in the little triangle like shape you have created with your liner. Then you can go back and finish the line at the front half of your eyelid and if you wish make the line thicker near your cat eye triangle you can do that as well..

2. Tarte Liquid Eyeliner ($20.00) – (tarte.com) – I was trying to be a little more budget friendly and decided to try Tarte liquid Eyeliner. What is great about the tarte liner is that it comes in a felt marker type pen with a pointy tip. You simply apply it carefully to your eye in the way I mentioned above and as long as you keep your lines fluid and don’t jerk up or off a bit the eyeliner will go on smoothly. It is easier to make cat eyes with than the lancome liner and the price is great. Plus, I love that tarte makeup is all natural and comes without harsh chemicals that can sometimes be found in other makeup. It is permanent and it sticks really well so if you mess up you pretty much have to start again and use eye makeup remover to remove the part of the liner you messed up on. It lasts well throughout the day but compared to the Stila liquid eyeliner pen it wasn’t quite as durable. One aspect to note about the felt liquid liners is that if you use your liner every day like I do the tips can bend and warp a bit, So far it has lasted 2 months and I hope it will last just as long as the lancome liquid eyeliner. Although Tarte says it helps to “soothe” and “moisturize” skin the only color they have available is black and sometimes a nice brown or navy or silver is just what the doctor ordered.

3. Stila All Day Liquid Waterproof Eyeliner ($26.00) – (sephora.ca) – My favorite liner is the Stila liquid eyeliner not only because it comes in 15 colors but also because of it’s great price and felt marker tip. Stila liquid eyeliner stays on your eyelid well and if you are quick you can wipe away mistakes with a Q-tip. If you are not quick you’ll have to use makeup remover. It stays on your eyes particularly well throughout the day even at night when your cat eye’s or flicks at the end of your eye started wearing off with Tarte. It lasted me 4 months and continued to give me great vibrant color until it had nothing left. It also will line in the waterline of your eye fairly well if you want to line underneath your eyes but I do recommend a good waterproof pencil for your waterlines it gives the best result (I find).

There is one more liquid eyeliner I would like to try, Benefits Push Up They’re Real Liquid Liner for around $30.00. If anyone has tried this and likes it better than the liquid eyeliners I have written on let me know.

 

How Much Are We In Control?


I’m attempting to understand in unforeseeable circumstances, in a life full of problems, and of problems that continue to become worse, how much control do we really have? As much as I hear it I don’t think the ” You can do it just try harder” answer often works. Or more to the point, it may work for the little control in life we do have but it doesn’t work for that large gray area in life we can try as hard as we want, but still fail.

As much as I want to be in control in my life right now, even sometimes just going outside for a walk, I’m not. I think it’s called lack of motivation. For along time even when I was first ill I always believed I was moving forward and that there was a healthier me ahead. I believed it was possible to maintain a level of healthiness that I could accept and be okay with. Even if I had tiny setbacks they were just that “tiny” and were things I could live with because I had the ability to do certain activities I wanted to do, that I needed to do to keep focused, goal oriented, and I felt happy that I was able to achieve something as small as those something’s were.

With my recent setback to my health I’m having a great deal of trouble coping. Partly, because it happened so fast and medicine does not know how to help me. I am also just coping with boredom and feeling useless because I’m having so much trouble concentrating and need to spend so much time sleeping. The mental effects make me angrier then the physical effects because I have always viewed myself as an intellectual person and not until high school really a physical person. But I’m not in control of this setback and I can’t help feeling depressed. Being able to do things once again even a little bit and having that ability taken away from you is hard to accept.

I’m just not feeling that I have much of any control over my life right now. I have time, but what’s time if you are too tired or exhausted to do anything? What are nice clothes if you have no place to wear them to everyday? What are friends if you don’t have the ability to bus or drive yourself to see them, and the attention span to listen well and enjoy their company? What is life without a purpose? What are talents if you can’t use most of them?

I don’t mean to complain. Many people are experiencing far worse situations and many people you can’t even see are suffering. But I guess we live within our own tiny worlds at times searching for a control that was never really there, realizing we were only ignorant to the suffering going on all around us.

Nexxus Color Assure Shampoo and Conditioner


NexxusGenerally, I’m not a big fan of drugstore shampoo and conditioners unless they are from a salon brand because I don’t find that long term they work as effectively on your hair as salon shampoos and conditioners. I don’t mean to be a snob about this it is just my personal experience. I have long blond hair that I often highlight and/or lowlight a lighter or different colored blond (my own color is golden blond) a few times a year so I like a shampoo that will protect the color I’ve paid so much to put into my hair. I also have trouble, especially in Winter, of having hair that can get dried out so any shampoo and conditioner I use has to be moisturizing. I love Bedhead shampoo and conditioner either the Dumb blond line or the Damage Control line and they have been my go-to shampoo and conditioner for years. 

Last time I was at Shopper’s Drug Mart I decided to try Nexxus Color Assure Shampoo and Conditioner. I had heard excellent things about the products but was a little concerned that at $15,99 for the conditioner and $11.99 for the shampoo, that they would not last as long as my 750 ml of Bedhead shampoo and conditioner which lasts about 3 months for a similar price. I was pleasantly surprised that both the shampoo and conditioner lasted 2 months despite being in smaller containers then the Bedhead duos.

It was also great shampoo and conditioner that left my hair feeling soft and silky after every use and I wash my hair almost everyday if I can. The shampoo left my hair feeling cleaned with no residue and the conditioner was extremely moisturizing. Also, my color, a lighter blond this summer, has been maintained well. So even though they are a drugstore brand I completely recommend Nexxus Color Assure Shampoo and Conditioner. I could not say the same for the accompanying hair products in the line that I was only able to try samples of those; however, the shampoo and conditioner are top of the line. 

Poetry: Silence, my Old friend


Sometimes I just need silence, it’s not an easy concept to explain — partly I’m an introvert — and partly it’s the fact that noise is wearing, can tare through your head in a pounding severe as hard rain on pavement; sharp and painful to your skin.
Sometimes I just need quiet because I do my best thinking in my head when you muse your questions out loud, it’s just the way I’m built and your brain was formed a different way… And when I was a little girl somebody told me that it was better to listen, to actually hear and comprehend the various foods on the speakers spread.
And sometimes I just like listening, to her the cadences of sound, to hear the up and hear the down, and understand what your telling me well before I make my peace — I’d like to give you the best advice because I’m weighing consequences and scenarios.
Other times, I like to say something smart — a witty thought– a word sharper than not; I used to be better at these retorts but these days I’m caught up in thought and weighing the conversation in my head on scales — these things I’ll remember and these things I’ll probably forget.
Sometimes I’m just use to silence — a long hot summer with many entrancing books, a family on vacation, a family at work, a dog who breathed her last before the dog days of summer began.
Silence is a funny thing, at times it can be utterly defeating and deafening, and I wish so hard for some conversation, to be around people and bask in a parade of voices delighted, bemused, upset, and hurried.
And sometimes silence is like a tear in a waterless desert. You never knew you had in you, what with being parched — obstructed by a harsh cacophony — you never knew you needed to cry — to be in a noiseless atmosphere — until that day, until water arrived; or until silence greeted you and flowed down your throat refreshing everything within you and bringing back life inside you.
If that analogy works, then you might understand silence.
That silence is completely necessary and quiet completely calming.
You might challenge the thought if you live for the rush of booming sound but some of you know silence and greet her like an old friend when she hushes you goodnight.
And when you find that the silence between you and your friend is a delicious moment you both understand, then you’ve truly understood silence, are restored by it’s gentle breath.
The quiet of the moment, the calm before the storm.

Poetry: Dancing Into Light


I do not jest when I request, please don’t break my heart again.
And we move on in the steps of the dance, the game of life we play,
Begun again and shifted, sorted, sifted from the steps we danced before we fought — before summer hit us as bricks that fall from tall buildings up high.
Oh, what a surprise it is to step these new techniques and follow the footprints that many will trod.
But fear is a feeling hard to misplace, did I make the correct decision, revision, conditions to change — the course that lies before us and fine tune the game.

If I am a part of you, then you are a part of me; we are no longer apart from each other.
That was a twist to think that we could be after all this fighting, flight, forging for truth.
If you could just talk to me then I think we would see eye to eye, I think you’d see my soul if you looked hard enough.
It wants to understand you, to find the path that we must wander together.
It has a need to comprehend what little dips we must take to continue the dance; how many times can we trip without being told to get off the dance floor and walk away.
I mind that communication is difficult because dancers must keep in count 1,2,3,4 and 1,2,3,4 just to match their feet.
Keep your steps aligned with mine, tell me what’s on your mind so that we can continue to spin and flip and practice the moves the most faithful make.
Faithfulness occurs in action not by not only cheating but by staying attuned both you and I to each other and this music we call our lives.

So you are away and I needed to think but it wasn’t long before I took you back.
Decided to stop breaking pace to shimmy and shake as we take our place and step in time to the method, the song.
I always thought you were the one to slide with me as fireworks explode rushing up and smashing light into the sky, raining diamonds on the floor.
And moving this pace isn’t always easy, if I step on your feet, and you step on mine, were bound to become angry to react and retry to gain a connection, a tempo, a beat — to make the rhythm that is required of us.
We must bend and be flexible, be patient, be sincere, and take the steps as they come and move to the magic that occurs so little in life.
A thousand moments sunset bright to make it through to darkness into light.

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Catching Up


Originally posted on mandibelle16:

Hey everyone! I know my blogging has been sparse lately, sorry about that. I have had a real decline in my health this summer and it’s been difficult to concentrate on activities such as writing and brainstorming  blog ideas.

I’ve been extremely fatigued and tired. For 2 weeks I think I just about spent most of my time sleeping. Maybe, I was sick, I think, as illness seems to hit me harder with whatever larger illness I have. Although, sleeping 24-7 has passed I still find my health declining to a place it was at about 2-years after my first episode.

I managed to enjoy my birthday “month” and this past week hasn’t been an exception despite extreme fatigue. I had a lovely dinner with the ladies at Earls Tin Palace last Tuesday and thank goodness it was $4 Bellini night because I needed alcohol. It was great to see…

View original 849 more words

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Catching Up


Hey everyone! I know my blogging has been sparse lately, sorry about that. I have had a real decline in my health this summer and it’s been difficult to concentrate on activities such as writing and brainstorming  blog ideas.

I’ve been extremely fatigued and tired. For 2 weeks I think I just about spent most of my time sleeping. Maybe, I was sick, I think, as illness seems to hit me harder with whatever larger illness I have. Although, sleeping 24-7 has passed I still find my health declining to a place it was at about 2-years after my first episode.

I managed to enjoy my birthday “month” and this past week hasn’t been an exception despite extreme fatigue. I had a lovely dinner with the ladies at Earls Tin Palace last Tuesday and thank goodness it was $4 Bellini night because I needed alcohol. It was great to see everyone who came even though I couldn’t be involved in the conversation as much as I wanted to be.

I’m sure no one noticed but I notice these things and hope that soon I will be able to be more chatty again and less tired. By 9:30 pm I was so so sleepy and by 10:15 pm I just had to leave and take a cab home. It was fine with my friends but I felt sick the cab ride home until I went to sleep. As I often do when I’m fatigued-out, I get flu-like symptoms that go away when I become rested. It’s something I always had but am just recognizing what it is now. I think I have days that are just bad days that I feel like I have the flu but really I’m just so utterly fatigued I feel ill.

But thanks everyone who came out I really did have a great time despite my symptoms. I was so happy to see you all there and hear all about your lives, especially those of you who are travelling to fun places and having or have had kids recently in your lives.

I was also very blessed to have a ride to a friend’s Wedding shower that Sunday via Tara. And the shower was great. A beautiful bride got to be around all her best girl friends, bridesmaids, and women relatives and she seemed to enjoy herself immensely. The weather was perfect and I felt good that day ( which hasn’t been happening so much) and everyone was so nice. The bride received many nice gifts, particularly kitchen based. I decided to go with a couple sets of dishware for the shower and the wedding, the bride picked out a beautiful light blue color for her dishware. It is the same color I would have chosen. 25-years from now everyone will know when our dishes from because we all like light blue dishes.

I can’t wait for the stagette night and only hope I feel as good for that night as night’s have been particularly tough me at times. I more worried about lasting the entire night so I think I will arrive around 5;30 pm for a couple left over jello shots and the comedian and probably take off a bit earlier then everyone else from Cook County on Whyte Ave. I am so excited to go to a country bar it has been so long and my 2-stepping is probably worse than it ever was but I might be able to figure out some of the line dancing again.

Moreover, I am finally going to see my psychiatrist tomorrow. I have to tell her all about how much worse I’ve felt this summer and get her to look into Chronic Fatigue as a definitive diagnosis for what I have. Basically, Chronic Fatigue is going to sleep and never ever waking up feeling rested. There are different degrees of Chronic fatigue and I received the definitive diagnosis definition and charts/symptoms for Canada from the M.E. Society of Edmonton. I now have to take this information, along with filled out charts/symptoms (why I think I have CF) to my doctor. I printed out a list of Doctors that deal with CF in Edmonton, but I’m hoping my psychiatrist who knows my situation best can diagnose me.

If I actually have CF I’ll tell you all about it and how my individual symptoms fit in. I don’t know that this makes treatment any easier but it does tell you that yes there is something physically wrong with me that I can tell people and use for health disability status/AISH etc. I’m positive I fit the criterion, or else I don’t know what disease I fit and it could open new possibilities I haven’t thought of. Possibility can be a great thing sometimes.

– 2 days later — I have visited my psychiatrist and presented my research. Apparently, CF is very difficult to diagnose because of all the other illnesses you have to rule out first. I feel we have ruled out plenty of illnesses but my psychiatrist sent me for some blood work and she is going to send me to a rheumatologist who specifically deals with CF and Fibermielga — 2 similar diseases. It might be a whole year before I see him but I am very excited to start the process and finally get a real diagnosis on what I have dealt with fatigue wise. I may have initially had a psychotic episode caused by depression but sometimes illnesses can result in other illness such as CF. You can get better from CF but you also cannot. I hope that the fact that I was young when the fatigue first hit me (23-years-old) means that might be possible someday or that there is some treatment being developed out there that can someday help me. Although CF has been written about since the early 1400’s the medical community has only recently begun to deal with it and try to come up with ways to help patients.